A Simple Act by TR East Coach Kyle Sandberg is One Manchester’s Grieving Tommy Farrell Will ‘Never Forget’
As Toms River East head coach Kyle Sandberg looked over at Manchester’s Tommy Farrell on the opposite sideline during the season opener, he didn’t see a rival coach.
He saw a friend and a fellow father who was trying to focus on a football game while also grieving an unfathomable loss. Only nine days earlier, Farrell and his wife, Sophie, lost their daughter, Reagan, at 21 weeks due to pregnancy complications.
“Obviously we were devastated for him and his family,” Sandberg said a day after the game. “We just wanted to let him and his family know we’re with you. We’re competitors, but we’re also humans.”
Sandberg had come up with a small gesture of support for the Farrells and didn’t tell anyone before the game on Aug. 28. He informed his players and coaches in the locker room, and they unanimously agreed with the idea.
Manchester head coach Tommy Farrell, his wife, Sophie, and their daughter, Keira, observe an emotional moment of silence at the season opener for the baby girl they lost at 21 weeks. (Photo by Mike Janusz/@jerseyjanusz)
After the opening kickoff by Manchester went out of bounds, Toms River East sent its offense on the field without senior center Nico Giannetti. Sandberg had told the officials before the game that he was going to intentionally take a delay of game penalty on the Raiders’ first possession.
Farrell was absorbed in the adrenaline of the game, so he was initially annoyed. He approached an official and asked, “Sir, what’s going on?”
Then he saw Sandberg on the other sideline. Sandberg put his fist in the air and tapped his heart, and Toms River East’s players all raised their helmets in a show of empathy for the loss suffered by Tommy and Sophie.
“I’m watching him, and he’s freaking out at first asking what’s going on,” Sandberg said. “Then I saw him change from head coach Tommy to person Tommy when he realized what it was, and then I raised my arm and put my hand on my heart.”
Farrell held back tears as he remembered the gesture.
“It’s a moment that will always be a memory for us to honor Reagan, and that’s all from Kyle,” Farrell said. “And it’s a memory we’ll never forget.”
Toms River East head coach Kyle Sandberg took an intentional penalty so his team could pay respect to Manchester head coach Tommy Farrell, who had recently lost a baby girl at 21 weeks. (Bob Badders | rpbphotography.com)
Farrell initially was overcome by emotion on the field.
“I didn’t know what to do,” he said. “You only see stuff like this in movies.”
He also almost forgot one important thing.
“I was like, ‘Oh, decline! Decline!” he said. “I almost forgot to decline the penalty.”
Immediately following the heartwarming moment, Toms River East scored a 70-yard touchdown on a pass from quarterback Brayden Flanagan to senior wideout Colin Cummings on their way to a 22-6 victory over the Hawks.
“I was like, ‘Is Reagan a Toms River East fan?’ They scored a touchdown on the first play!” Farrell joked. “Are the football gods just complimenting Kyle because he’s such a good dude?”
Toms River East coach Kyle Sandberg (left) and Manchester coach Tommy Farrell (right) had bonded over being young head coaches in the Shore Conference. (Photo courtesy of Tommy Farrell)
The special moment came after Toms River East’s captains had hugged Farrell before the coin toss and told him they were sorry for his loss. Manchester then had a moment of silence on its home field before the national anthem. Farrell stood with Sophie and their 2-year-old daughter, Keira.
“It was like a closing for me and my wife,” Farrell said. “Who else could do it than the Manchester football team and the town that has really welcomed us these last four years? As upsetting as the situation is, to be with your first and second family and honor Reagan was amazing and emotional.”
It came barely over a week after the worst stretch of Farrell’s life. He and Sophie lost Reagan, and then four days later their 4-year-old Irish doodle, Pinot, who had epilepsy, also died.
Farrell shared the heartbreaking news on Instagram on Aug. 20 that he and Sophie had lost their baby girl.
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“Though her time with us was far too short, she will forever be a part of our hearts and family,” he wrote.
Sandberg saw the Instagram post and hatched the plan to take the intentional penalty.
While Sandberg did not equate the situation with losing a baby, he also has experience with the helpless feeling of a child suffering a serious medical issue. Carter, 7, his older son with his wife, Brianne, suffered numerous seizures from when he was a year old until he was 5 years old.
“We could relate to the fact that we had no control of what was happening to our child,” Brianne said.
Sandberg, 38, and Farrell, 30, had also bonded in recent years over both becoming Shore Conference head coaches in their 20s. Sandberg had encouraged Farrell to apply for the Manchester job and helped him prepare for the interview.
Tommy Farrell and his wife Sophie also lost their beloved dog, Pinot, just days after the death of their daughter, Reagan, at 21 weeks. Their 2-year-old daughter, Keira, is also pictured. (Photo courtesy of Tommy Farrell)
“He was just always encouraging and mentoring me,” Farrell said.
Sandberg starred as a safety at Toms River East, while Farrell grew up in Toms River and would’ve played for the Raiders as well if he had not decided to attend Donovan Catholic, where he played linebacker.
In a competitive environment where coaches often focus on their differences to get an edge, Sandberg focused on their shared humanity.
“We need to be role models for our kids and show them to do the right thing,” Sandberg said. “We want to be that beacon of hope.”
“It just really speaks to Kyle,” Farrell said. “He’s a servant leader who leads by example, and he’s really leading these boys to be men the right way. My family will always be grateful for that moment.”
Scott Stump is the football editor and a reporter for Shore Sports Insider. He first started covering Shore Conference football in 1999 and has covered basketball, baseball and seemingly every other Shore Conference sport at some point.
Email: scottstump25@gmail.com
